Absolutely not

Uhhh so I finished my second draft of my new novel this week.

I was surprised how emotional I was after finishing my read through. It isn’t done, and I’m in a place where I need some eyes on it before I start indiscriminately deleting stuff because I’m bored lol. But I think? I’ve said what I set out to say, what I wanted to work out, and now I’m mostly just worried that I’ve talked on too long.

It’s been almost two years since I’ve really finished a novel draft. My first draft of this book came and went as it usually does, hazily with no certain milestone, with big chunks I didn’t want to write yet but knew what might happen. I was in an incubating mentorship to make like 40k of those words happen, and even then I was like [stuff happens I’m not interested in writing this part yet]. I do not like writing in order, I find it limiting and disruptive, but I learned some things about myself in the process of trying it.

Mostly that I could write 40k words in a few months and it might burn a bit, and maybe people should smirk a little less on the page.

I have no idea what’s going to happen with this book, but I have left everything I had on the page. I am full drama, wailing inside, kicking facedown on the floor about this book. It’s already given me so much, its creation sustained me. It has already also won me some real life things. I have high hopes but how can I ask it for more? It has taken me out of my comfort zone in vastly different ways and I hope it gets out into the world someday.

It’s good I have manuscripts to read for the Roots. Wounds. Words. Retreat!! I’m stoked to be in workshop again and just bask in everyone’s stories. Without something concrete to work on with my book I keep fixating on the eventual query process and querying agents is rough rough business.

I should probably pick another long project to work on while I let the book simmer. It’s not healthy for my mind to be idle eek and I have a lot of other planned projects to rework or start. My job work is also about to get bananas and has been stressy, and we’re adjusting to a new household schedule.

Writing this out I’m like… or maybe you need to stop everything for three days or something. Will I? Absolutely not.